The Six Month Purge

For some reason this wonderful ingredient of the DeMilles (this is ingredient #6 in Leadership Education) is giving me a bit of trouble this time around, but probably because I'm really starting to get into it. I did a purge at the beginning of the summer, but right now, I feel like it was not nearly enough. I've started a second one (the third of the year).

The purge is, as you might suspect, when you go through your house and donate/throw out what you don't need. Now, mind you, I didn't think I had THAT much stuff that was not necessary in our lives. My house didn't look like one of those houses you would see on the show Hoarders. But I always feel like there is too much. I spend way too much time deciding where to put things, what to do with things, and how to clean them. This takes away from the time I could be spending studying or being with my family.

So... I just gave away five boxes of books. I'm hoping to maybe get another box going, too. We already purged our movies, so the ones we have left are classics (at least, to our family). Still, I didn't like them all on the shelf, so we are taking them out of the cases and putting them in sleeves to be put away in a cabinet. Books will now go on the movie shelf.

I managed to talk the Chief into parting with some of his toys. I was really hoping for more, but one step at a time. He did really well picking out some larger things that he thought he no longer needed, or that someone else might appreciate more.

Now, the goal is to have things in their proper places by the end of the month. We are moving things around a bit, putting them where they will actually be used, and hopefully making a better learning and living environment for everyone. I'm hoping that by doing a big purge now, we won't have to do such a big job of it in the future.

You, Not Them

"Chief, you can't spend all day glued to that computer." (How many times have I checked Facebook/email/ Twitter/homeschool groups today?)

"OK, time to do some math. Yes, I know, you hate it. Too bad. You don't want to fall behind, do you? Math is very important." (How many times do I skip off to read the next thrilling installment of John Saxon/Singapore/Math-U-See?)

"Mommy, I don't want to eat an apple. I want a cookie!" (Like the one I just sat on the couch with?)

"Chief, you need to go clean your room, it's a sty." (As I guiltily close the door of my own room before a guest beholds the tornado wreckage within [sans tornado])

You get the point.

Then again, how many of us heard, while we were growing up, "Because I said so!" or "I'm the parent and you are the child. When you are grown up and have a house of your own...."

Yeah. How did that work out? Did you smile and nod, and say, "OK Mommy, I'll clean my room as neat as a pin!" Or did you grumble and stomp off, feeling some measure of resentment?

How can you expect your child to work hard at something, or to follow certain rules, when he does not see you do it? Or worse yet, when he sees that you don't feel the need to? When a parent tells a child that he must have a clean room, that he must do math, that he must not smoke, because it's the right thing to do, and then you do the opposite, how do you think that child feels? What do you think that does to his moral compass, his sense of right and wrong?

How messed up is that?

And how about this example: Dad comes home from work, grumbling again about his day. Don't think kids can't pick up on this attitude. Junior hasn't done his math yet. "Well, Dad, you don't have to do math." "Son, I didn't do math because I was at work all day. That's my job. School is your job." OK, Junior thinks to himself, So it's OK for me to hate school because it's my job and most folks hate their jobs...

It is far easier to wear the iron glove of tyranny and rule over your household than it is to inspire your children to do good things by doing those good things yourself. It's easier to yell and intimidate them into submission than it is to inspire them to want to do what is right.

Pay the price. Pay the price for your child's future. Set the good example. Practice what you preach. Learn alongside your children, be excited about life with them. Do the right thing and study hard, live the morals you are trying to instill in your children. Do it consistently when they are young, and when they are older and have more negative influences in their lives, they will have a solid sense of how good, real people live, instead of some ideal they have never seen practiced. They will be equipped to make better decisions, they will not fear hard work, and they will not feel the acute burden of sacrifice when it comes to doing the right thing. And when the time comes for them to raise children of their own, how much easier will it be for them when they have all these things, this strong core, in place already?

The DeMilles, in their book A Thomas Jefferson Education, call this principle "You, Not Them." It is one of their Seven Keys to Great Teaching. Lead the child through your own example, and they will follow. A child's parents are their number one influence in their younger years (Recently I heard a study quoted which said that television was the number one influence. But who pays the cable bill?). Don't waste this time. Put in the work. Show your children what scholarship looks like, show them what it is like to love learning, to truly enjoy taking care of your family and your home. Show them how rewarding it is to serve others.

As that old, silly saying goes, "monkey see, monkey do."

PS--By the way, nothing will get you looking for a more engaging and interesting math program than if you have to do that math yourself! If your kid hates math, don't harp on them. You go out and study math, and let them see you studying math. This has the added benefit of showing you perhaps why your kid hates math so much, and you can take steps to remedy it.

Hello, all!

I haven't posted here in a very, very long time, and I apologize for that. Things have been hectic, and this blog, unfortunately, was not really on the priority list. I'm hoping that things have settled down a bit (for now...) and maybe I can fit in a bit more time for homeschool blogging.

We are still following the Leadership model of education, and I will hopefully have more posts in the future about that. My son is on the fence, between Core phase and Love of Learning. Core generally is between 0-8 years of age, but sometimes for boys it is longer, and especially since the Chief is a little behind developmentally, we aren't rushing things.

Right now, we are organizing the Closet and the Bookshelf. It's a little weird having one kid, because the theory is that you are supposed to have books for the youngest set on the bottom shelves, the middle shelves are for the Love of Learners, and the top are for Scholars. Well, we only have one, but I'm finding that the same principles apply. The Chief will still go to the youngest shelf and pick up Horton Hears a Who!, then the next day, he'll pick up something from the middle shelf about science or history. He goes back and forth, and I think that is an important part of his growing process. Him having that freedom I think gives him more confidence. But we are trying the utilize the closet and the shelves in the best way possible. Rather than having a Family Room per se, we have our living room and, to a lesser extent, our dining room as our learning spaces. They are connected so it isn't a hard transition between them, and one is visible from the other. Hopefully I will explain more about that in a future post as well. I'm thinking about doing a series of some sort where I discuss how we implement the "ingredients" of a Leadership Education (see the DeMille's book Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning) in our home. Everyone's house and family are different, and no one should feel pressured because their setup is not exactly like what the DeMille's describe.

Inspire, Not Require

One of my favorite "pillars" of a Thomas Jefferson Education is "Inspire, Not Require." This was something that just clicked with me right away. It made perfect sense. How is your child supposed to love learning unless he sees YOU loving learning as well? This pours over into all aspects of life. If you want your child to clean his room happily and regularly, then you had better be cleaning YOUR room happily and regularly. If you want him to love math, then show him how fun it can be. Show him that you love it too. I mean, why should he be happy about doing math if he sees you are miserable about it.

Over the past several weeks, the Chief has been learning about India, and he's been very excited to do so. How did I sustain his interest? By showing how excited I was to learn about it too. I got myself some books and movies about India. This shows him that learning is something that people do, whether they are kids or grown-ups. It's a part of life. When he sees me reading Gandhi's autobiography, the Chief wants to know more. So I take out his children's version. When he sees me looking at a map, he wants to know where places are. Form my example, he starts taking the initiative and actively looks for things about India, everywhere he goes.

Parents, whether we like it or not, are our children's teachers. This is whether we homeschool or not. Children take their lead from their parents. What they see their parents doing, good or bad, is what they do. The attitudes their parents take on are the attitudes they take on. A perfect example of this is all the bullying kids are experiencing in schools. If children see their parents being intolerant of others, they will be intolerant. If parents ignore their kids, ignore their needs, then kids will in turn ignore the needs of their peers, and eventually, their own families. If kids see the parents as putting themselves first all the time, they will do the same.

Rather than ripping out your hair over your child not doing something that you think he should, spend some time thinking, "How can I *inspire* him to do this?" Even something like cleaning his room. Clean it for him first, show him how nice a clean room feels, how you have more room to play, how you can find everything. Show him YOUR nice clean room, because how can you expect him to clean his room when yours is a mess? Show him how you can do nice things in your clean room, like hang up pictures or decorations. Above all, keep a good attitude. Show the kids how any work they do helps the entire family function more smoothly. If their room gets messy, go up and look at it. "Oh, no, your room is getting messy again. It's so important to keep a clean room so you can find all your toys!" and help him clean it up. Eventually, he will get it. He'll start picking up after himself, especially if he can really see how happy it makes you. There is also the option of letting it get so messy that he can't function in his room, he can't find things, etc. And letting him prove for himself that a clean room is best.

With learning, I do sort of "require" some things, but I do it in a way that is logical. Math is not the Chief's favorite subject, but I want him to stay on top of it. That is basically the only thing I *have* to require in our homeschool, because all the other subjects he takes on voluntarily. And even with math, I just explain to him, "Chief, you want to be an architectural engineer, right?" "yes." "Well, Engineers need to know how to do math." And he will generally just sit down and do it without arguing. The key to this is having very short lessons, as well. With math, I have him do one sheet of work per day, because that is what he is comfortable with. Anything longer, and he doesn't do as well, and at least for the next few years, the main goal of our homeschool is to culture a love of learning.

We require that people be kind and considerate to one another, but if they don't want to, they can always go to their room and not be with anyone. And really, anything that you feel you want to require from your children, you can usually INSPIRE them into doing. It takes a bit longer and it takes more work on the parents' part, but the results will be longer lasting because the kids' will have come to their conclusions on their own, through trial and error and logic. I won't lie. It's a lot of work. But it is very rewarding to see the Chief taking on more and more responsibility for himself by thinking, rather than doing something just because I said so, for fear of punishment.

What is more important? Raising thinkers, or raising sheep? I think we are desperate in this world for more thinkers and leaders!

Finishing up India

We will be using the next two weeks to finish our studies of India this year. The Chief has enjoyed India so much, he just grabs a book down from the shelf and reads it on his own (which is something i had been hoping would happen for a long time. He pulls books down all the time and looks at the pictures, skims them, etc, but now he is actually reading the entire book to himself, yay!). I asked him what his favorite part about learning about India was, and he said, "Everything!" "Can you pick one thing that was your absolute favorite?" "No.... I don't want to pick one thing, I liked all of it!" Here is a view of our bookshelf for last week and this week:



A list of the books we shared/are going to share includes (these are from various reading levels, from very simple picture books to chapter books):

Monsoon, by Uma Krishnaswami
Chachaji's Cup, by Uma Krishnaswami
Spotlight on India, by Robin Johnson and Bobbie Kalman
Sacred River: The Ganges of India, by Ted Lewin
India: The Culture, by Bobbie Kalman
I is for India, by Prodeepta Das
Stories from India, by Anna Milbourne
Gandhi, by Demi
I Come from India, by Valerie J. Weber
My Dadima Wears a Sari, by Kashmira Sheth
My Mother's Sari, by Sandhya Rao
Look What Came from India, by Miles Harvey
I Remember India, by Anita Ganeri
The Sanyasin's First Day, by Ned Shank
Living in India, by Ruth Thompson
Gandhi: Young Nation Builder, by Kathleen Kudlinski
India, by Sunita Apte
India, by Henry Pluckrose
The Taj Mahal: How and Why it was Built, by Christine Moorcroft
Exploring the Life, Myth, and Art of India, by Chakravarthi Ram-Prasad
Mama's Saris, by Pooja Makhijani
The Road to Mumbai, by Ruth Jeyaveeran
Finders Keepers?, by Robert A. Arnett
Going to School in India, by Lisa Heydlauff
Lighting a Lamp: A Diwali Story, by Jonny Zucker
Monsoon Afternoon, by Kashmira Sheth

Movie series: PBS The Story of India

Now, mind you, in NO WAY should you be pressured to read all of these books with your kids. The ONLY reason I am reading them with the Chief is because he picked them out, and he is wanting to read them. He is fascinated by India. And we will have read these books over the period of five weeks. I am sure that we will come across topics that he really has no interest in, and in that case, we will only spend one week on it, enough to get it introduced and to give it a chance, but not long enough where if he finds it boring, he will hate the sight of it. It's all about developing a LOVE of learning. I try to find a good balance between being sure to introduce him to new things and then also letting him get absorbed in what his passions are.

A green clean trick....

We've been taking steps to cut way back on the harsh chemicals used in our house cleaning. One thing I will share with you now is

HOW TO CLEAN YOUR TUB WITHOUT KILLING THE PLANET

So, I have an 8 year old boy who literally LIVES in the dirt for many hours of the day. He gets seriously dirty. A cloud of brown dust follows him wherever he goes in the afternoon. This means that when he takes his bath, that dirt and grime gets transferred onto my tub.



Ewww....

So, how can I clean my tub without using deadly poisons when it is that dirty on a daily basis? It's actually quite simple, but it is a little more than just spraying and wiping (and choking).

On a daily basis, after the Chief's bath, I take the wash cloth he used, and once the water has finished draining, either he or I wipes the tub with it. It actually takes most of the dirt off, because it's fresh. Then I just rinse the cloth, hang it up to dry. When I am in the shower, I do the same, I just wipe the walls and stuff with the washcloth. It might take one minute, but no more.

For our weekly cleaning, a more deep clean, I take a lemon and cut it in half. Then I dip the open side of the half lemon in a dish of Borax powder, so it looks like this:



Then, I simply hold the lemon and scrub the tub with the powder side while squeezing a little to release the lemon juice. It smells great, and I find it cleans as well as any tub cleaner. Just dip the lemon back in the dish of borax if you need to replenish it, and go over the whole tub and shower. Then, rinse, and don't be afraid to inhale the lemony scent of your fresh, clean tub!

Testing 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7......

We, like many other families, have a Wii. Yes, we wii. But.... Well, it looks very different in our house than it might in most others.

First, the Chief really has no desire to win. When he bowls, half the time his goal is to see how far he can throw the ball into the other people's lane. He entire purpose of playing the Wii, whether it be sports or Mario, seems to be to test the limits of the game. He has 267 pins in front of him when bowling. What does he do? He throws the ball down the side of the alley, and takes down one pin. Do you know how hard it is to only take down ONE pin, when faced with over 200? And, regardless of what the game told him, he was very proud of this accomplishment.

When he plays golf, it's all about sand and water. If he can bounce the golf ball off a tree at a very high speed, his day has been made.

MarioKart--"Look, watch what happens when I drive over here, Mommy!" "Look, I'm driving in a store!"

When we all play Super Mario Bros. together, the game is more about smashing and breaking bricks. "Mommy, watch what happens when we smash the floor at the same time!" He thinks dying in a particular way is hilarious. He will purposely set things up so that watching him play becomes like a comedy routine. In the mornings, when he comes down and plays a little before breakfast, the house is filled with shrieks of laughter.

What does this have to do with anything? Well, the other day, at the bookstore, he took a kaleidoscope out of the toy bin, and looked through it. He was a bit unimpressed. Then he was thinking... He picked up a little toy from another bin, and then looked through the kaleidoscope at it. This was very serious stuff, by the way. Then he picked up another little toy, and looked at that. He looked at the first one again. He picked up a third and looked at that. He was comparing the patterns different toys made.

He found a horse chestnut in the yard the other day, and stomped on it and hit it between two rocked until the picky skin broke off, and revealed the nut inside. He looked at it a bit. Then he found a hickory nut. Hmm..., you could see him think. Stomp stomp. Wow, this one has a nut inside too! It's a little different. He finds a hard acorn. Stomp stomp. His forehead wrinkles. The outside of this one is hard. He works at it a bit more, and cracks it open, to find that the inside of this is soft. Huh.

The Chief loves to listen to music, but you don't realize how much he really listens to it until one day he tells you that this song sounds just like ____ in one part, just like ___ in another. He finds this to be hilarious. And he can make the most interesting sounds with a water bottle, combining percussion and woodwind and voice... There is a pattern, a rhythm to everything, as far as he is concerned. He just has to find it. And he is determined to!

And of course, with all of this testing and experimentation, comes testing and experimentation with rules and conformity. WHY does he have to do that? It makes no sense to him. And he will make a decent argument about it. Discipline at times can be a challenge if I am not clever and quick on my feet. He could argue his way out of a bear trap. I could get very frustrated, I could yell, I could get angry and resist and I could even, in time, crush his will and STOP that testing.

But would I really want him to be any other way? Testing is testing. It can be positive and negative, but both are testing, and in the end, as long as there are set boundaries, and firm grounds, testing rules is exactly the same as testing the limits on a game. He will learn that he can only go so far. It may take a lot of experimentation on his part (and lots of patience on mine!), but like any other test, it is a learning experience. As long as the rules don't change, he will learn the boundaries and eventually not need to test anymore.

Parenting the Chief on a good day is a challenge (as it is with any child, on the "spectrum" or off). But I know that these tests will make him a stronger person when he is grown, and some day, after much trial and error, he will learn that by doing things a certain way, only the sky will be the limit. And it is making me a stronger, more patient and compassionate person as well!